huge amount of hypering today though chinese paper one was shit.
ice cream with bananas was driving me bananas. rusky’s disgusting sniffing around was gross. and idesire&uzap, makes us weirdos but idesire was whoooo…
and plucking papayas made me realise how much talent i have in this aspect. i’m the papaya queen! eehui, you suck la, plucked only one papaya and that hit your shoulder. hoho!
hey yeeyin, i’m so sorry i started sounding accusatory. i was overreacting, i know whatever you said was for my own good. i’m not sure if you’ll see this, but i’m still going to say whatever i have to say.
firstly, about the flaming incident, i know i’m being kind of bad by not telling you, but seriously, you have to trust me that it’s not v. i’m not biased towards her or what. but i just don’t want you to see her with a tinted view. i know how she is, in fact, i know her very well. she may not be the kind of friend that i’m looking for but i just need a circle of friends in this class. you may say that i want attention, i do not deny that, but it’s not in the sense that i want people to look at me and recognise me. i just want to feel a bit more warmth in this class. secthreecharity was not a class i chose, and i believe you know what i’m trying to say. i was degraded and reduced to a totally different thinking. i know you’ll say that i’m being arrogant or what not that i’m in special stream and the rest are in express stream. but i’m not, i know i’m lazy and i’ll also be caught in the dust left by the rest of the class. i admit, when i heard i was in this class, i cried for days and nights, regretting not studying and feeling humiliated, but that was something that cannot be changed, and making friends is just another way for me to get used to the class. and v is just one person who actually makes me feel welcome in this class though i know this might not be a truthful act of hers. all these friends are just surface friends and i don’t think they’ll ever be my close friends, these spots are filled already.
secondly, i know what she said about you and she’s quite unhappy about you joining me for recesses and lunches. in fact, some of them also are. but look at me, do i look like i care about what they think? i still accept you all the same. these two days, i believe you should have seen the evidences of what i really think about you. my current mindset is very different from the beginning of the year, and i think you’re fine now. i’m not going to say that i’m not going to be friends with anyone, because i’m going to try and accept everyone no matter what they are. don’t worry, because i won’t let them affect me and get me down.
lastly, i understand your feelings of being someone not as popular in the class. i understand. i am in the same boat as you too. for some specific reason, they hate me for what i did not choose to be, and the reason is stupid. being monitor for a year in sec one and being a prefect. i know i’m not of leader material; i know myself best. but it’s not my fault that the teachers are blind and choose me as a leader, suck up they might say, but i seriously don’t. being a monitor for the second semester in sec one was because my classmates went to promote me to my form teacher. i didn’t choose to be one, and since then, i’ve been enduring the stares, the whispers and all the curses. sometimes, it hurt a lot and sometimes it doesn’t. when it doesn’t, it’s usually because of the comfort i get from the realisation that i actually have friends, and friends that really care.
i appreciate you.i hope that’s one sentence that you trust from me.
ur words are kind of hurting…