feeling really emotional nowadays, like really emotional. i almost cried when eehui ‘lectured’ me. she was right though, highlighting the fact that i give excuses, which is really true. but as my bestie, she shouldn’t just say it so directly and that really hurt me.
but i think she changed over this term, like enlightened herself perhaps? and woke up from her slumber and stopped dreaming? she’s becoming really hardworking and that somehow is affecting our friendship. i mean, she’s supposed to be an influence to me, which she is. but in the wrong way. she’s attacking my ego, lowering my self esteem. i feel like a total clown now, like i’m born a clown, and acting like one. gosh. this is seriously ruining our friendship, drifting further and further apart. sigh. i’m not sure what is going to happen in the future but i hope i’ll enlighten myself too and be ‘more of her type’. rahh.. i’m in no mood to worry about friendship problems or should i say friends are not my first priority anymore. it used to be but it’s not anymore. it seems like my handling and controlling of my own emotions are taking over. my fluctuating moods, sudden sunshine and thunderstorms. must really learn how to do everything well, everything.
got back my ppr today. may seem quite horrible to most people but i’m really proud of myself because i improved. and it’s by 7 points which is a great achievement for me.
english–B3
chinese–B4
combined humanities–A2
literature– E8
additional mathematics–C5
elementary mathematics–C6
biology–B3
chemistry–C6
overall percentage–59.4%
L1R5–23
expected L1R5–10
getting closer to my perfect score and that’s fabulous. like oh so finally, i’ve improved but i still got to buck up and work on my attitude. thats TOUGH. but i’ll try, i’ll never know till i’ve tried my best. my perfect score.. *looks longingly at hwachong and raffles* actually more of hwachong because it’s more chinese educated and less affiliated students. BUT, yeeyin’s njc is opposite. RAHH. but i doubt i will meet her. in the first place, i doubt i’ll get in. nevermind! i shall just work harder to change my attitude!
really looking forward to both the hwachong and primary slc! and i feel like going for acjc crossroads too. sounds so fun. but i will have to be really disciplined and manage my time properly so i’ll do my homework! i guess changing my attitude will be worth it. i really really appreciate the fact that i’m in pmb, in assembly with huimin and tess and the rest, in so many fun activities. i really like it and i’m really bonded with them, really connected. i don’t want to leave them or the pmb. it’s becoming like my life? i really like it when i’m being recognized and shown that i’m significant. that’s the characteristic of a high-I person right? i guess i really have to find one day and self reflect.
qihang’s coming too and i’m quite excited for vivian. hope she does well. haven’t really been going out with her recently due to her paijus but after this it’ll all be over and we can have nice talks and gatherings again.
i hope everything pieces together after the holidays. including me.
[rahh. mental breakdown.]
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